Inspiration

It's late. I've been moody batooty all day (even if I haven't shown it except to Mom--thanks Mom for dealing with me) and I think I'm realizing why as the night turns into morning. You see, I'm upset because I can't remember the last time someone was truly proud of me. I know people always say "oh you did so good!" or "oh you make me so proud" but that just doesn't do it for me. Ever since I can remember, from playing little league baseball "oh I'm so proud of you!" to playing music in high school "oh that sounded so spectacular" it's just hard to come by someone being truly proud of me nowadays. I know these are sentiments, and very sweet ones at that, but I feel like they are mere words and they don't compare to my feelings and emotions when I find myself proud of someone else. I know that, whenever I am wholeheartedly proud of someone, I let them know it and I could only hope to evoke emotion over them as some have done for me when uplifting me. The closest thing to it more recently was a compliment from one of my very dearest friends who is actually my only follower/reader whatever you want to call it of this blog I keep. Carolyn told me something very special that I have cried about because it made me feel so warm and comforted on the inside, like someone is proud of me. This is the same unexplainable emotion that I get one I feel proud of someone, almost like a mutual emotion. Another time was when I was receiving letters from family member's doing a period of transformation in my life (can't talk much about that program because it's a secret to some possible readers who haven't experienced it themselves!) and I got a late-letter apart from the others that I was expecting to get previously but didn't. When I found out it was waiting for me after the conclusion, I couldn't wait to get my hands on it, it's all I could think about. It was the letter from my Nana and Poppop, basically explaining how proud they were of me. Although most letters made me feel special and happy and loved, this one took it to a dimension of gratification that words cannot begin to depict. I think I'll find that letter right now, in fact, and re-read it.

Forget everything I've said. I'll write about the title of this post sometime else. Love you.